Tuesday, 15 November 2005

Dying commentary...

I got the following in an email from a friend:

Remarkable Obituary

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. - Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge financial settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.

This was my response:

Honestly, I say good riddance! This Common Sense guy has been going around with false ID, convincing people he was something that he's not. His real name is Fast Simplistic Answer and although he came up with some useful things when he was young (like coming in out of the rain), they were pretty obvious, didn't really need to be said, and ran out quickly as he got older. In my opinion he's responsible for much of the hate and violence in the world with his ideas like "fear the unknown" and "we've done it this way before, why change".

And he did not die peacefully. He was murdered by Complicated Issues
and Attempts at Consistency, who although young and foolish, are important parts of the world. What we really need are two ladies named Pure Reason and Reasonably Calm. They are hard to find and always have been. Big Picture is also nice to have around but he's even more difficult to find.

I take back the "good riddance" though. Sometimes we need a Fast Simplistic Answer. But he is not always Sensible and never Common. And he's always trailed by his evil dog, Blind Faith. That's who should have died. But that dog is everywhere and has very sharp teeth. He'll never let go.


Michael Schulman said...

Sounds like Mark Twain. Good stuff.

stark said...

Yeah... Who's the man? *laugh*